DESIRE

Don't just ask, 'What do I want?'

Ask, 'What price am I willing to pay for what I want?'

- Keith A. Craft

Don't Play the Blame Game - 3 Reasons to Move On

When there is a mess on the floor, it may feel really good to play "Who's to blame?!".

Do we do it out of some belief in the importance of accountability? Do we think pinning the blame will improve the behavior of the guilty? Do we think as a manager that we are somehow resolved of the responsibility of our team's performance? Did we get yelled at as children and this is our way of paying it back?

There are 3 main reasons why you should move past blame and into effective action.

1.It is far more productive to focus on corrective action and learning the lessons the situation offers.

2. It's less expensive to get on to the solution instead of investing good money after bad simply to point the finger of blame. Blaming wont put any money in your pocket and you will ruin whatever morale is left in the team.

3. Even if you can perfectly determine who was to blame (if anyone!) you still have the more important problem to solve and that is how can we move on, get better, learn from this, and make sure it doesn't happen again. You simply can't afford to lose the time in pointless inquiry; it's the one resource you can't replace, so make sure those precious moments are used for the good of the team long term.

Remember, your team, family, your peers and your friends need your leadership in times of crisis like this, and we have to be able to get past simple blame games and demonstrate positive leadership if we want to move forward.

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Studying for Finals and Midterms - Stress Traps To Avoid

Studying for finals and midterms tends to be automatically linked with stress. In fact, where stress is already built into a situation where you need to call up all the important information that you’ve learned in each of several classes over the course of several months, the last thing students need to do is add to the stress of midterms and finals, right? Well, unfortunately, many students inadvertently do just that. Certain common practices that often make finals even more stressful than they need to be. Do any of these sound familiar?

Pulling “All-Nighters”

Many students —- especially those who work best with deadlines —- find themselves staying up all night studying. Going through the next day exhausted, many may wonder if it’s worth it -— do the benefits of an all-night study session outweigh the sleepiness and fuzzy thinking that generally characterize the next day? Recent research says ‘no.’ A study set to be published in the January issue of Behavioral Sleep Medicine found that students who regularly pulled all-nighters tended to have lower GPAs than those who didn’t. The study also found that most students didn’t stay up all night studying because they had to. They did it because it was ‘kind of fun,’ or a rite of passage. This is good news because it means that most students, armed with the understanding that all-nighters aren’t associated with higher grades, can stop.

Powering Down the Caffeine

Decades ago, truck drivers and students in the throes of finals season might consider taking caffeine pills or powering down the Mountain Dew to stay awake when they wanted to be up all night. More recently, many ‘energy drinks’ have sprung up on the market, and are gaining popularity with students who want to have extra energy for extra studying. While energy drinks may be tempting, and some evidence shows that they can enhance performance in the short term (especially for those who aren't habitual consumers), there are drawbacks as well. Caffeine can give your energy level a temporary jolt, but that can be accompanied by a later crash that leaves you feeling completely drained. Studies show that students who consumed energy drinks may also experience headaches or even heart palpitations. Also, caffeine stays in your system for many hours longer than you may expect, which can interfere with sleep, making it difficult to sleep when you need to. This can leave you exhausted rather than refreshed in the morning, and potentially causing a self-perpetuating cycle. Finding natural ways to get extra energy, such as a healthy diet and exercise, as well as quality sleep on a regular basis, is the best way to maintain enough energy to tackle finals.

Having Study Parties with Your Fun Friends

While it seems like a great idea to get together and study with your friends, if you’re not careful you may find yourself wasting valuable study time accomplishing nothing but some muted fun. With the wrong mix of people, group studying can turn into a gossip session.

Even meeting in the wrong place, such as a busy restaurant or worse -- a dorm room -- can offer enough distraction to sabotage your efforts. It's best to stick with the library or another quiet place that presents the right atmosphere and is conducive to studying. Study groups can be wonderfully successful, but be sure to think long and hard before organizing one. Choose people who are responsible and committed, and be sure that you maintain the same level of commitment to studying. You can all celebrate your good grades when finals are over.

Waiting Until The Last Minute and Going On Adrenaline

While many people swear by this method, it’s an obvious risk if you really think about it. First, you always run the risk of not finishing in time, and being unprepared. Second, you greatly increase your chances of needing to try some of the other items on this list, such as powering down the caffeine or pulling all-nighters. Finally, adrenaline and hasty ‘cramming’ tend to encode information into your short-term memory, but the knowledge doesn’t always remain memorized; you cheat yourself out of a true education. (And you may want to build on this knowledge later, rather than having to re-learn it at some future date.) A wiser choice for those who work best with deadlines is to give yourself a deadline that’s really a week or so before your ‘real’ deadline -- this gives you a burst of motivation, but also some wiggle room.

Constantly Reminding Yourself What’s At Stake

While remembering the importance of a test’s outcome can be a good motivator for studying, too much focus on the outcome can backfire. If you’re the type of person who is already pretty conscientious, and the idea of doing poorly on the test is starting to cause significant test anxiety, it may be time to shift your focus. This is because being overly anxious about a test’s outcome can actually cause you to do poorly, or to score lower than you normally would. To avoid obsessing, try some positive affirmations, visualizations, or tips from this article on overcoming test anxiety.

Now that you know the ingredients of academic self-sabotage, you know what to avoid.

Test Anxiety: How To Deal With Test Anxiety and Actually Do Better On Tests

Tests can be stressful even for the most prepared students, and, unfortunately, test anxiety can actually have a negative impact on your performance. (Just having that knowledge adds to the stress, doesn’t it?) Well, fear not: the following test anxiety busters can help you get through your next test with much greater ease—and likely more success!

Get Enough Sleep
Getting 6 hours of less can put you into what’s called a sleep deficit, or lack of sufficient sleep. Having a sleep deficiency can actually make you less sharp mentally, which can negatively affect your performance on tests, even if you spent those missed hours of sleep studying. So it’s very important for you to get all of your studying done so you can get a good night of sleep before your big day. (If stress is making it difficult to sleep, you need to read this article on getting quality sleep when stressed.)

Study Smarter
Being organized with your studies can help you keep from pulling all-nighters to get all of your studying in and blowing the test because you’re exhausted (see above). How do you study ‘smarter’? Make a list of the most important things you need to learn, in order of importance, and hit the items at the top of the list first. (That way, if you run out of time, you’re mostly covered.) Make a list of all the work you have to do, estimate how much time each item will take, and compare that with the amount of hours you have available; this will tell you if you can carefully read (or just skim), how many times you can afford to revise papers, and other ways to pace yourself so you can get everything done. (If you’re pressed for time, it’s important to check your perfectionist tendencies at the door.) Oh, and turn off the t.v. as much as possible until your tests are behind you.

Visualize Success
A great way to build your confidence as you fall asleep each night is to visualize yourself taking the tests and doing wonderfully. Detailed visualizations can help you feel like you’re really experiencing something, and visualizing yourself doing well is a way to ‘practice’ success in a way that can actually help you perform better. (Being confident as you take your exams can keep you from choking because of the stress.) Visualizations can also help you to remember facts: you can create detailed scenarios that involve the information you’re trying to remember, and this can help cement the facts in your memory.

Stay Calm
Because stress can impair your memory, it’s important to stay calm before and during tests. While that’s easier said than done, there are several stress relief techniques that can help you calm down quickly whenever you feel overwhelmed. For example, breathing exercises has been shown by research to reduce test anxiety, and can be extremely effective in helping you relax and reverse your stress response in a variety of situations: just take deep breaths, expanding your belly on the inhale, and let the stress come out with your exhales. (For more ideas, read this article on how to calm down quickly when stressed.)

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9 Stress Relievers for Students

Most students experience significant amounts of stress, but with all of the activities and responsibilities that fill a student’s schedule, it’s sometimes difficult to find the time to try new stress relievers to help dissipate that stress.

Here are some stress relievers that are most appropriate for students: relatively easy, quick, and relevant to a student’s life and types of stress. They’ll help you to function at your best, and enjoy the journey.

1. Power Naps

Students, with their packed schedules, are notorious for missing sleep. Unfortunately, operating in a sleep-deprived state puts you at a distinct disadvantage. You’re less productive, you may find it more difficult to learn, and you may even be a hazard behind the wheel! Learn more about the effects of sleep deprivation and the value of the power nap; for busy students, it’s a must!

2. Visualizations

This one is easy, effective, and can help you to do better in school. Visualizations can help you calm down, detach from what’s stressing you, and turn off your body’s stress response. You can also use visualizations to prepare for presentations, to stress less and score higher on tests by vividly seeing yourself performing just as you’d like to.

3. Exercise

One of the healthiest ways to blow off steam is to get a regular exercise program going. Students can work exercise easily into their schedules by doing yoga in the morning, walking or biking to campus, or reviewing for tests with a friend while walking on a treadmill at the gym. Starting now and keeping a regular exercise practice throughout your lifetime can help you live longer and enjoy your life more.

4. Breathing Exercise

When your body is experiencing a stress response, you’re often not thinking as clearly as you could be. A quick way to calm down is to practice breathing exercises. These can be done virtually anywhere to relieve stress in minutes, and are especially effective for reducing anxiety before or even during tests, as well as during other times when stress feels overwhelming.

5. PMR

Another great stress reliever that can be used during tests as well as before bed (to prepare for sleep), or at other times when stress has you physically ‘wound up’, is something called Progressive Muscle Relaxation, or PMR. This technique involves tensing and relaxing all muscles until the body is completely relaxed. With practice, you can learn to release stress from your body in seconds.

6. Music

A convenient stress reliever that has also shown many cognitive benefits, music can help you to relieve stress and either calm yourself down or stimulate your mind as your situation warrants. Students can harness the benefits of music by playing classical music while studying, playing upbeat music to ‘wake up’ mentally, or relaxing with the help of their favorite slow melodies.

It’s a fact that clutter causes stress, and can decrease productivity and even cost you money! Many students live in a cluttered place and even have cluttered study areas, and this can have negative effects on grades. One way to reduce the amount of stress that you experience as a student is to keep a minimalist, soothing study area that’s free of distractions and clutter. It’s worth the effort!

8. Eat Right

You may not realize it, but your diet can either boost your brain power or sap you of mental energy! While a healthy diet isn’t generally thought of as a stress management technique or a study aid, it can actually function as both! Read more on the consequences of a poor diet, and learn how to relieve stress with a healthy diet. It takes virtually no extra time, and can keep you from experiencing diet-related mood swings, light-headedness and more..

9. Positive Thinking and Affirmations

Did you know that optimists actually experience better circumstances, in part, because their way of thinking helps to create better circumstances in their lives? It’s true! The habit ofoptimism and positive thinking can bring better health, better relationships, and, yes, better grades. Learn how to train your brain for more positive self talk and a brighter future withaffirmations and other tools for optimism. (Don’t know if you’re an optimist or a pessimist?

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How to Handle Temptation

Temptation, or giving in to temptation, has been a serious problem since the beginning of time and is still a very real part of our lives today. Like it or not, we all have to deal with it. Most people may not really understand temptation and its purpose.

In Luke 17:1, Jesus said, ...Temptations (snares, traps set to entice to sin) are sure to come.... Why do we have to deal with temptation? It strengthens our faith, our spiritual muscles. If we didn’t have to stand against temptation, we’d never know our own spiritual strength. Facing temptations will either bring out the best or worst in us. Sometimes God allows us to be tested because He's preparing us for promotion. Facing temptations increases our confidence in our ability to recognize and resist the lies of the enemy.

Temptation comes in many forms. Too often we think of being tempted as being enticed to do big things like stealing, murdering or committing adultery. But most often we’re tempted to be impatient, stingy, jealous, greedy or any number of other things that we consider lesser sins. Satan strikes at our points of weakness. To develop spiritual strength, we must pass all kinds of tests of temptations both large and small. In Luke 4, we find that Satan also tempted Jesus, hoping to find an area of weakness to invade. But Jesus stood strong and defeated the enemy. I believe God knew ahead of time that Jesus would pass the test, and I believe He has confidence in us that we’ll pass many of our tests too.

STAY ONE STEP AHEAD OF THE DEVIL

I believe that understanding temptation and aggressively resisting it is the only way to stay one step ahead of the devil. James 1:12 says, Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life...(KJV). To endure temptation means to go through trials without giving up...to outlast the devil. Enduring also means going through a time of temptation without letting it change your attitude or commitment. Jesus never treated people differently when He was being tempted, and when we have Christian maturity, we can follow His example. Jesus understands exactly what we're facing in temptation. For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning (Hebrews 4:15). Sometimes Jesus allows us to face temptations so He can bring attention to areas of weakness in our lives and help us overcome them. He knows how important it is for us to know the truth about ourselves. Even though it may be painful to acknowledge that we have tendencies to be jealous, greedy or prideful, if we’ll deal with it and overcome it, that truth will set us free. The only way you can have all that Jesus wants you to have is to be what He wants you to be. And that maturity comes in stages. So be determined to resist the enemy and take authority over him. Trust and obey God, and rejoice in the promises found in Psalm 94:12,13: Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whom You discipline and instruct, O Lord, and teach out of Your law, that You may give him power to keep himself calm in the days of adversity, until the [inevitable] pit of corruption is dug for the wicked. Through Christ you can remain steady in the storms of temptation.

DON'T IGNORE THE WARNINGS

For by the grace (unmerited favor of God) given to me I warn everyone among you not to estimate and think of himself more highly than he ought [not to have an exaggerated opinion of his own importance], but to rate his ability with sober judgment, each according to the degree of faith apportioned by God to him (Romans 12:3).

God has chosen many anointed preachers to give us warnings and instructions about how to handle certain situations we may face. We usually don't like it when someone tells us that we're headed for trouble unless we change our direction. We mistakenly believe that when we attend church or do good things, the preacher should encourage us, and certainly this is true. However, our spiritual leader is also responsible for exhorting or warning us about impending dangers. One thing that draws us into temptation is thinking too highly of ourselves and trusting ourselves too much. This is an attitude planted by the enemy, but 1 Corinthians 10:12 warns, Therefore let anyone who thinks he stands [who feels sure that he has a steadfast mind and is standing firm], take heed lest he fall [into sin]. We need to realize that Satan tempts us to do evil, but God tempts us to do good. God says, ...I have set before you life and death...therefore choose life...(Deuteronomy 30:19). And in John 10:10 we're told, The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows). Psalm 1:1 states, Blessed (happy, fortunate, prosperous, and enviable) is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the ungodly [following their advice, their plans and purposes], nor stands [submissive and inactive] in the path where sinners walk, nor sits down [to relax and rest] where the scornful [and the mockers] gather. The Bible warns us about thinking we can hang out with ungodly people and not be affected. Pride causes people to ignore warnings; they think they won't be the ones to get caught. But this prideful attitude has damaged many lives. We must choose to separate ourselves from people who could poison our temple. God is trying to save our lives. He wants to strengthen us so that no matter what happens in these last days, we'll be preserved and protected under His covering.

RESIST TEMPTATION AND WIN THE BATTLE

We tend to get too much of our information from the world instead of listening to the inside information from the Holy Spirit that’s available to us. There's a war going on between God and the devil for the use of your soul. ...the desires of the flesh are opposed to the [Holy] Spirit, and the [desires of the] Spirit are opposed to the flesh (godless human nature); for these are antagonistic to each other [continually withstanding and in conflict with each other], so that you are not free but are prevented from doing what you desire to do (Galatians 5:17). Temptation is not a once in a while thing; we deal with it day in and day out. But God has provided us with tools to fight: (...the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God...(2 Corinthians 10:4,5 KJV). These verses indicate that we need to keep increasing our knowledge of the things of God if we’re to stay ahead of the devil and win the war. Sometimes we try to make Christianity too complicated—we think we have to follow certain formulas to stay out of trouble. Psalm 37:3 says, Trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed. This verse makes it pretty simple: Trust God and do good. That's it!

So often God prompts (tempts) us to do something good, and immediately Satan attacks our mind, causing us to reason it out. When we fall for that, Satan steals from us the opportunity to do good and be blessed. It seems that we're better at resisting the temptation to do right than we are at resisting the temptation to do wrong. It’s time to give in to God's temptations. He will never guide you wrong. James 4:7 says, ...be subject to God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him], and he will flee from you. It's a twofold thing. You can’t resist the devil without submitting to God. And you can't submit to God without resisting the devil. Ephesians 5:18 tells us to ...ever be filled...with the [Holy] Spirit. When you’re full of the Spirit, you can drive the spirit of depression out of your house before it attaches itself to you. But never forget that you're in a war, and you must use the tools God has given you to fight and resist the devil. Get a grip and face reality—the devil is alive and well. He wants to steal everything you have, but through the Spirit of God, you can resist the devil and win the battle! But now since you have been set free from sin and have become the slaves of God, you have your present reward in holiness and its end is eternal life (Romans 6:22). When we serve God, we receive the reward of holiness. That doesn't mean we’ll do everything right. I still have my share of “mess-ups,” but I am so happy and peaceful. I love my husband, and although he still does some of the things that used to drive me crazy, they don't bother me at all anymore. I’m enjoying the benefits of a holy life, and I'm peaceful and fulfilled.

THE HIGH COST OF LOW LIVING

Satan tempts us to live a low life, but God tempts us to come up higher. One of the worst mistakes we can make is to get complacent, thinking that what we have right now is okay. A mindset of low expectations holds us back because God can only do through us what we believe for. Be careful that you don't get in an “okay place” spiritually. I don't want to be average because I don't serve an average God. God is a God of excellence, and I want to follow His example. Matthew 16:25,26 says, For whoever is bent on saving his [temporal] life [his comfort and security here] shall lose it [eternal life]; and whoever loses his life [his comfort and security here] for My sake shall find it [life everlasting]. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life [his blessed life in the kingdom of God]? Or what would a man give as an exchange for his [blessed] life [in the kingdom of God]? Low living has a high cost. Nothing is worth giving up the wonderful, peaceful, joyful, righteous, holy life here on earth and the promise of eternity in heaven. If your name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life, yet you spend your life resisting the will of God and living according to your mind, will and emotions instead of operating in the mind of Christ, you are living the low life. God wants you to be blessed, but He doesn't want you trying to provide it for yourself. He doesn't want you to seek things or put things ahead of Him.

He tells us in Matthew 6:33, ...seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you (KJV). So know yourself and know your problems. Recognize your strengths and ask God to take care of your weaknesses. Blessed (happy, to be envied) is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved, he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him (James 1:12).

-Joyce meyer

12 Tips for Overcoming Anger and Gaining Peace

Anger appears when one is confronted with frustration, unhappiness or hurt feelings, or when plans don't turn out as desired. It also shows up when coming against opposition or criticism.

Anger never helps anyone. It wastes your energy, and can hurt your health, spoil your relationships, and cause you to miss opportunities. Getting angry is acting against your best interests.

Things don't always proceed according to plans and expectations. People not always act the way you wish them to act. You may not be always able to be in control of external influences and conditions, but you can certainly learn to control your attitude and reactions. There is no sense of allowing circumstances and people to pull your strings and affect your mind and feelings. You can choose not to let what people say and do affect your moods. You can maintain an inner attitude of emotional and mental detachment, and refuse to allow every minor event play with your feelings and evoke anger.

I often see people getting angry over unimportant and insignificant matters. Some insignificant remark or action, not getting a satisfactory reply to a question or just moodiness are enough to set fire and cause anger, snappy remarks, arguments and even physical fights. This is absolutely unnecessary. Life can be happier without this behavior.

Anger is a negative reaction, and if you wish to progress on the path of self-improvement or spiritual growth you should avoid it as much as possible.

Learning to calm down the restlessness of the mind and gaining peace of mind, is one of the best and most effective methods to overcome anger, and in fact, all negative emotions.

If you are willing to invest the time and energy, you will reap great rewards. Peace of mind will not only help you overcome anger, but also help you overcome anxiety and negative thinking, and enable you to stay calm, tranquil and self possessed in difficult and trying situations.

Peace of mind requires the development of an attitude of emotional and mental detachment, which is of vital importance for overcoming and avoiding anger. It protects you against being too affected by what people think, say or do, and is therefore highly recommended. Detachment is not an attitude of indifference and lack of sensitivity. It is an attitude of common sense and inner strength and leads to peace of mind.

I would like now to suggest a few simple tips to help you manifest some inner detachment and peace of mind, so as to be in a better position to overcome anger.

1. At least once a day, devote several minutes to thinking on how much your life would be better without anger.

2. When you feel anger arising in you, start breathing deeply and slowly several times.

3. You may, instead of breathing deeply, or better still, in addition to it, count slowly from one to ten. This will delay your angry reaction and weaken it.

4. Drinking water has a calming effect on the body.

5. Try to be more patient, no matter how difficult it might be.

6. Be more tolerant toward people, even toward people you don't like.

7. Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion. You can disagree with people, but still maintain tact and diplomacy.

8. Choose to react calmly and peacefully in every situation. Try again and again, regardless of how many times you lose control and get angry.

9. Positive thinking makes it easier to disregard remarks and behavior that otherwise could cause anger.

10. Try to manifest at least some self-control, self-discipline and more common sense.

11. Don't take everything too seriously. It is not worth it.

12. Find reasons to laugh more often.